


larmoyant

by satyrgod



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:06:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16617779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satyrgod/pseuds/satyrgod
Summary: Yusuke checks his mailbox and finds a letter from Madarame. Unsure what to do with the maelstrom of emotions threatening to overtake him, naturally he calls Akira.





	larmoyant

**Author's Note:**

> "welcome to yusuke's twisted mind" is all i can really say about this fic. hope you enjoyyyy

It was rare for Yusuke to receive mail. So rare, in fact, he didn't usually bother to check the mailbox he had been assigned in the dorm. He checked it once every week, or so, in case the school had any notices for him, but there was certainly no need to look at it daily.

He was surprised, this time, to see there was an envelope in there. Handwritten, and addressed to him.

The name in the sent portion is what made his blood run cold, knuckles gripping the envelope turning white.

Ichiryusai Madarame.

He'd be lying if he said he didn't think about him. More than he should, more than he wants to. A “what if he contacted me?” scenario had crossed his mind a few times, and at this point, he realizes, all it's really done is make him feel sick.

Making it back to his room, he leans against the door, after it’s been shut behind him, still staring at the letter in his hands.

Is it worth opening? What does Madarame even have to say to him? No apology could be enough, nothing could fix what he’d done, _nothing_ \--

Yusuke realizes, belatedly, the way he’s gripping the envelope, he’ll end up ripping it before he can even think about reading it.

Softening his grip, he steps forward, to kneel on the floor next to his futon, He places it on the floor in front of him, handling it as if it was a bomb about to go off, rather than a mere letter. Mechanically, he unpockets his phone, planning on asking Akira for some guidance.

It feels a bit _silly_ , really, he’s certainly busy, and it’s not as if this is something Yusuke can’t handle on his own, but he can’t help but crave to hear the other’s voice right now. Before he can berate himself for how utterly pathetic that sounds, he hits the call button, and Akira answers on the second ring.

“Hello,” rushes out of Yusuke’s mouth, shocking even _himself_ with how steady he sounds at a time like this. It almost feels like it’s coming from someone else entirely-- Is this really him speaking right now?

“Yusuke,” comes Akira’s voice over the line, warm, familiar, _comfortable_ … Yusuke feels a rush of calm wash over him despite everything. “You don’t usually call like this. What’s up?” Even with the casual tone Akira’s using, Yusuke can feel the concern coming off of him, and it soothes him even more.

“Well…” He starts, as he’s not exactly sure what he wants to say, what he wants to ask, really. “I received a letter.” A pause hangs over the line, Akira waiting for Yusuke to elaborate further, Yusuke reluctant to even continue. “... It’s from Madarame.” His voice still sounds mechanical, like it’s coming from far away, but the soft sigh that comes over the line is grounding, and he feels his fists unclench at the sound.

“Did you open it?” He sounds so soft, like if he spoke too loud Yusuke would shatter. Normally, this would make him impossibly angry, but emotions feel so far from him right now. He shakes his head, before realizing Akira can’t see him over the phone.

“... No,” comes the slow reply, and he again thanks his lucky stars Akira is always so understanding. “That’s why I called.”

“You need me to be there with you?” Akira asks, and Yusuke can tell he’s probably getting up to head over right there.

“That won’t be necessary.” is what he says, even though it would be nice, this is enough of an inconvenience as it is. “I just…” and another pause comes over the line, as Yusuke realizes he doesn’t really know what to say. _‘I wanted to hear your voice?’ ‘Your presence calms me?’ ‘I need help?’_

“You just?” Akira’s voice is still so soft, gentle, it almost makes Yusuke forget he’s started to tremble, at this point.

“I don’t know what to do,” he settles on, voice coming out barely audible. “Is there a point to opening it? What could I read that would make me feel anything but...” Disgust, rage, bitterness, _misery_ \--

There’s a beat of silence after he trails off, and he hears Akira click his tongue before continuing.

“Alright. Let’s talk through this, Yusuke. How do you feel _now_?” Is what he says, and even more silence hangs on the line as Yusuke tries to figure out how to answer.

 _Words_ are not his forte, especially so when it comes to expressing himself. He always channeled it through art, never having to learn how to use his words, because before, there was no one around to ask him about it in the first place.

“I feel…” Yusuke says finally, but there’s still a brief pause even after that. “As if the world has been ripped from under my feet.” Akira remains silent, presumably for further explanation. Really, if Akira would give him a few hours, he’d _paint_ something, but he feels that’s a bit much to ask.

“This feels unreal, in a sense. I was set on distancing myself, never contacting him again. His name already feels branded into my skin as is, but I thought, without physical reminders, I could move on.” He takes a deep breath, and Akira continues to wait on him to speak. “I think I was a tad too optimistic. To think I could _ever_ be free—“

“Yusuke.” Akira interrupts, voice creeping into a low range rarely heard outside of Joker. “He can’t control you anymore. No one can. You are your own. A letter can’t change that. _Nothing_ can change that.”

Yusuke stays quiet, eyes trained on the aforementioned letter. Akira seems to be content with letting the weight of his words sink in, waiting for Yusuke to respond.

_Is it really that easy?_

“Thank you.” is what comes out of Yusuke’s mouth, followed by another bout of silence. “I think I may be overthinking this entirely.” Numb limbs move, taking the letter in hand, moving to rip it cleanly in half. Then into quarters. “His affairs don’t concern me anymore.” It’s said more to himself than to Akira, Akira just giving a hum of acknowledgement over the line. Approval, maybe. Yusuke’s thoughts are too muddled to tell.

“Good. I’m happy for you, Yusuke. You gonna throw it out?”

Yusuke stares at the shredded mess that was once a letter for a brief second, before remembering he should actually respond.

“It’s for the best.” It feels like a bit much to tell your best friend you just ripped it to shreds in a fit of… whatever this is.

“Alright. How about this, then. You wanna come over?”

“On such short notice? I couldn’t possibly—“

“I want you to.” It was rushed out, Yusuke can tell, because Akira sounds a bit flustered afterwards. “I mean… Unless you don’t want to. I would understand, believe me, I was just thinking, you know…”

“If you would have me. I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re never a burden.” And how can Yusuke argue that? “Besides, I feel like you could use some company right now.”

He’s right. Though a flash of unbidden irritation strikes him at those words, he knows Akira means them with good intentions.

He’s trying to learn that concern isn’t always someone looking down upon you. He truly is.

“... You’re not wrong.” Which is why he agrees so quickly. “I’ll place myself in your capable hands, then…” His fingers curl over his phone, numbed emotions threatening to overtake him. “... Thank you. For everything.” Not wanting this to continue, not wanting to have to explain himself, Yusuke moves on immediately after saying this. “I can start heading over now.”

Akira, if he did want to say more, graciously moves on alongside him. “Sounds great. I can get us a movie, if you want?”

“Pick something good for us.” It’s said absentmindedly, as he throws on a jacket. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

“See you soon.”

And just like that, he’s hung up, and Yusuke’s out the door, pieces of the letter hastily picked up and thrown in a trash can outside, lest he be tempted to try and piece them together again later.

It was time to leave behind the him that could still be affected by Madarame. A better, brighter future was right in front of him. All he had to do was reach for it.


End file.
